Friday, August 5, 2011

Looking Back (2)

'It's so sad', said Cynthia. 'You know, I never thought that Stu ever felt that it was you he should hate'. 'I didn't either, but it was never spoken about'. 'I think, in the end, that's what Stu hurt the most. He thought Brian was disgusting. He despised him, the little dwarf'. 'Yeah, well, Keith sounded still cut up about Stu's death'. 'He would be. Stu loved him a great deal'. 'I know', I heaved - now we were both drained by the whole exchange.

I'd rather have been teasing the lovely Cyn, not torturing her or me. The laughs were too long ago. 'I don't know darlin', I just wanted everybody to stay the way I made them. I didn't want any...' 'Disappointments?' Cynthia finished my thoughts. 'Yeah'. 'Oh, you can be sure of one thing, Andrew, Stu knew...'.

I thought it was all clear and understood what and why he thought of me. Again, no words were spoken - big boys don't cry. First, I knew nothing about music as he knew music. He saw me in there in the thick of it with his Stones, and he could not quite understand why the Stones were letting me happen. He saw where Mick was going and didn't like what I was leading him to, or what was being allowed to happen to his idea of the group.

Stu also saw the handwriting on the wall for the eventual end of me and the Stones, so perhaps that knowledge removed the need to hate. He didn't gloat; he never used his position to move that ship into port, and he never made one move of payback for what had happened.

Adapted from the following source: Andrew Loog Oldham, 2Stoned, Vintage, 2003.

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